Walk like a zombie

Me: you can drop me off... just not on this corner it's scary

Bobbi-Jo: yeah, look at all those zombies! oh hey! they must be filming that new zombie movie! look at all the zombies! Get the camera out!GET THE CAMERA OUT!!!!!!

Claire: Bobbi... they're just lining up for food....

Bobbi-Jo: no no... look how they're walking! They're walking like ZOMBIES.

Me: it's homeless people, Bobbi, lining up for free food...

Bobbi-Jo: ...they're walking like zombies!

my last entry

homeless lady outside my building: spare any change?
me: No, I just got fired
homeless lady: Oh, no...

Coulda

me: how's your day going?
customer: coulda been better, coulda been worse, coulda been carried away in a hearse

..........


customer: I have CSS without my glasses
me: oh yeah?
customer: yeah. Can't See Shit.


.............


customer: don't worry about ME, I'm a drug dealer.
me: Oh, good.

Safety first.

the escalator was blocked off today for people's safety. Apparently a motionless flight of stairs is a safety risk. Luckily the stairs that NEVER move were available for public use. Otherwise known as "the stairs."

winners don't do drugs

customer: I though smoking a shit load of pot would take away the pain, I was wrong.
me: Try Tylenol 3's
customer: Oh, I don't do drugs.

and when i'm NOT working...

at a crowded pizza joint:
me: is this hot sauce?
creep: yeah, almost as hot as you
me: good one....

at the bar: dude wearing a hilarious shirt explains himself:
"when I'm wearing my "I HAVE A VAGINA" shirt I know it's time to do laundry.

laundrophilia

me: I should pimp out my washer and dryer in my apartment and make some money
customer: I'll be at your apartment, Megan. Don't mind me if I don't bring any laundry.