yours and mine.

An older gentlemen reminiscent of a dirty Jeff Bridges comes up to the till with a few items. I'm scanning them as I come across a DVD. As I look for the barcode i notice the 6 pairs of tits on the cover. This DVD is a porno.

me: that's not one of ours

him: no, it sure isn't

me: well enjoy your movie!

him: you want to watch it with me?

me: no, thanks. I can't....

him: I had to ask.

Because

nice older man on the phone:
"I'm just in line buying kitty litter and toilet paper. Because everyone who visits me is full of shit."

Price is Right

*guy brings a box of Rice Crispies to my till. It's on sale for a dollar.*

customer: Holy shit, that price is unbelievable. what's the limit on how many I can get? 100?

me: Get as many as you want!

Customer: Naw, that's ok, I probably won't even get through this one. I don't even LIKE Rice Crispies, I'm more of a Honey Combs guy myself, but the price is right.

Seal the Deal

*Seal's new single is playing for the umpteenth time on our amazing satellite station at work*

co-worker: i hate this song
me: I want to club Seal.



crack addict to couple: excuse me, ladies

the man she's talking to: ladies? it's my hairdo that gave it away isn't it? *he was bald.

Jingle Bells Are Ringing in the Weirdest Place on Earth

as i walked into work today i saw a woman posing in front of the full length mirror in ladies wear. what is she trying on? a bra. over her clothes. with her bra on underneath, a shirt, and now this bra. on top. done up. like a reject from Madonna's Blonde Ambition Tour. "this will be a great shift," I say to myself.



middle aged man in a pretty plaid skirt buying stockings and chocolate: "when I'm a girl I want to be strong just like you"

me: "that's sweet, no one's ever said that to me before."

wax on wax off

this evening a cute chubby family purchased some q tips from me.

Without movie away from my counter or even turning around in any sense of discretion, the mother then takes out a q-tip and starts cleaning her son's ears. she pulls it out right by my face and the wax build-up was INSANE. I had to walk away to avoid puking. I walked back and asked the family if they could do that somewhere more private. and they gave ME a dirty look.

a) cleaning ears should be done frequently and privately
b) i would not buy tampons and then pull my pants down and shove it up me at the counter. that would be gross. so don't clean your ears in my face. thank you.
c) i have no c.

sweet tooth

me: you should get higher standards, like find a guy with teeth.
co-worker: he HAS teeth
me: yeah... one.

co-worker: no no, he HAS TEETH. they just fell out of his pocket after breakfast

me: *no words*