proof

customer:Now I'm no brain science... ok I proved it right there. I'm no brain surgeon, but....

multi-purpose

me: what are you going to put this (whipped cream) on?
customer: strawberry pie
me: mmm
customer: and my girlfriend



co-worker: what are you reading?
me: It's a book about the lives of maids living in Mississippi during the 50's. It's fitting for Black History Month
co-worker: Oh is that TODAY??
me: It's all month, actually.

Black History Month

young black customer: because it's black history month, you just bag my groceries and I get to walk away right?

what's my job?

stupid stoned kid: can you bag this stuff?

me: I will, i can only do one thing at a time

kid: no no, i was talking to my friend. HE should do it.

STUPIDER stoned kid: it's your job, you should bag the stuff, haha.

me: ok, so do you want this juice still?

kid: fuck the juice

me: ok that's NOT my job.

yours and mine.

An older gentlemen reminiscent of a dirty Jeff Bridges comes up to the till with a few items. I'm scanning them as I come across a DVD. As I look for the barcode i notice the 6 pairs of tits on the cover. This DVD is a porno.

me: that's not one of ours

him: no, it sure isn't

me: well enjoy your movie!

him: you want to watch it with me?

me: no, thanks. I can't....

him: I had to ask.

Because

nice older man on the phone:
"I'm just in line buying kitty litter and toilet paper. Because everyone who visits me is full of shit."

Price is Right

*guy brings a box of Rice Crispies to my till. It's on sale for a dollar.*

customer: Holy shit, that price is unbelievable. what's the limit on how many I can get? 100?

me: Get as many as you want!

Customer: Naw, that's ok, I probably won't even get through this one. I don't even LIKE Rice Crispies, I'm more of a Honey Combs guy myself, but the price is right.