customer: hi, i need help with a razor
me: you need help with a razor
customer: yeah
me: so... you want help shaving your face?
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
Really? Like... really?
last night's shift was so ridiculous a short dialogue format is just not going to cut it. these "people" deserve more.
First Customer:
He is a older English fellow, very well groomed, looking a little unsatisfied with the previous help he's been offered. I ask him what I can do to help.
customer: well, these employees won't let me buy these pants. I am not impressed with the service. I put these pants on, I would just like to pay for them and leave, I've never had a problem before.
turns out this idiot is wearing a pair of jeans with a fucking plastic security tag on the ass and refuses to take off the pants. And then wouldn't understand why I couldn't sell them to him .
me: If I sell them to you without you taking them off first, you are going to beep in every store in the the city.
customer: why will you refuse to let me purchase these? You are refusing me.
scenario number 2
A normal enough looking middle aged pot bellied dude walks up to me with a plastic liquor store bag filled with what seems to be, well, liquor.
customer: excuse me, the girl downstairs (what girl downstairs?) said i could drink one of my beers while i shop around
me: are you sure she worked here?
customer: uh yeah. she had the same outfit you had on
me: really? well you can't drink beer in the store. obviously.
customer: but the girl downstairs said i could
me: well laws say you can't
customer: hey i just asked her and she said it was ok
me: well then you shouldn't of asked ME. Its NOT ok.
First Customer:
He is a older English fellow, very well groomed, looking a little unsatisfied with the previous help he's been offered. I ask him what I can do to help.
customer: well, these employees won't let me buy these pants. I am not impressed with the service. I put these pants on, I would just like to pay for them and leave, I've never had a problem before.
turns out this idiot is wearing a pair of jeans with a fucking plastic security tag on the ass and refuses to take off the pants. And then wouldn't understand why I couldn't sell them to him .
me: If I sell them to you without you taking them off first, you are going to beep in every store in the the city.
customer: why will you refuse to let me purchase these? You are refusing me.
scenario number 2
A normal enough looking middle aged pot bellied dude walks up to me with a plastic liquor store bag filled with what seems to be, well, liquor.
customer: excuse me, the girl downstairs (what girl downstairs?) said i could drink one of my beers while i shop around
me: are you sure she worked here?
customer: uh yeah. she had the same outfit you had on
me: really? well you can't drink beer in the store. obviously.
customer: but the girl downstairs said i could
me: well laws say you can't
customer: hey i just asked her and she said it was ok
me: well then you shouldn't of asked ME. Its NOT ok.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
why should i
older native gentleman with a cane and fanny pack decorated with a plethora of dream catcher keychains (aka customer): will you marry me?
me: i'm on my break, I have to go back in 5 minutes
customer: it doesn't take that long to get married
me: sorry I gotta go...
customer: ok well we'll get married tomorrow
local female artist buying stuff (customer) : I'd like to draw you
me: me? why?
customer: you have very interesting features you would be fun to draw. Tomorrow I'm drawing a lady in a wheelchair with a cat on her head wearing a pink dress... that has NOTHING to do with me drawing you....
me: i'm on my break, I have to go back in 5 minutes
customer: it doesn't take that long to get married
me: sorry I gotta go...
customer: ok well we'll get married tomorrow
local female artist buying stuff (customer) : I'd like to draw you
me: me? why?
customer: you have very interesting features you would be fun to draw. Tomorrow I'm drawing a lady in a wheelchair with a cat on her head wearing a pink dress... that has NOTHING to do with me drawing you....
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
debit
*man using debit machine: oh i need to take out my glasses for this. or, glass
me: ?
*man takes out HALF a pair of glasses. not a monacle. no that would make too much sense. he takes out a broken pair of glasses with one side completely missing.*
young normal customer about to pay: oh i guess i'll just use my debit
me: don't talk down to your debit card. it's not JUST your debit card. now it'll grow up with a complex
crazy customer next in line: yeah, don't talk down or the mafia will get you back in that alley there, douse you in formaldehyde and make it look like an accident
young normal, now frightened customer:.... i won't talk down to my debit card anymore.
me: ?
*man takes out HALF a pair of glasses. not a monacle. no that would make too much sense. he takes out a broken pair of glasses with one side completely missing.*
young normal customer about to pay: oh i guess i'll just use my debit
me: don't talk down to your debit card. it's not JUST your debit card. now it'll grow up with a complex
crazy customer next in line: yeah, don't talk down or the mafia will get you back in that alley there, douse you in formaldehyde and make it look like an accident
young normal, now frightened customer:.... i won't talk down to my debit card anymore.
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