*ranting toothless guy goes off about how he's having a nervous breakdown and walks away*
security guard: you know, that guy sucks dick
me: no he's nice, it's ok
security guard: no... he actually SUCKS dick
*woman holding a gift bag with a picture of a bride and groom cheersing over champagne*
woman: this isn't obviously alcohol right? like, it could be a picture of apple juice or something right?
me: no, that's definitely champagne
woman: well then i better not get it, my friend just got clean....
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